A few short weeks ago, I found myself sitting in a Pho restaurant near Main and Kingsway, pen in hand, digging for inspiration to write my monthly Love Letter to myself. I was stumped. I sat there saying to myself, "you haven't been up to anything, nothing important has happened, the intentions you created haven't happened, well sort of maybe some of them have happened... oh and that relationship of your dreams that still hasn't happened yet."
Does any of this sound familiar? Was this tough love or just plain self-deprecation? So I sat and I waited. I at least got the, "Dear Meredith," down on the paper, and then things started to hit me, I had brought a little girl back to dance class who had had a breakdown deciding she would never dance again because someone had said something to her that had hurt her feelings and she had related that experience to, "I must never dance again if I'm going to feel like that!"
I had ended an exclusive dating relationship powerfully, fully speaking to my self worth for the first time ever and standing for what I knew I wanted to call into my life and allowing nothing less. And I had done it with grace, instead of the usual anger, hurt, resentment, yelling, crying and justifications. I had let someone know how I felt about them with absolutely no guarantee that they may feel the same way back, I had surrendered and for the first time in a long time chosen to let go instead of controlling every single minute action and thought that I and everyone else around me has.
I had also chosen to connect to others and express my gratitude for who they have been to me and who I see them as to the world... that was new and powerful for me too. It was a whole new level of expression and connection in the world.
Suddenly my letter was filled up and as I looked up from the table, the world seemed that much brighter, more connected and filled with beautiful people and experiences, waiting to be asked, to be engaged with, waiting to happen.
I certainly had an elevated sense of love for myself and for the world. But mostly, I didn't feel so alone.
I tucked that letter in my bag, smiling at the woman who had in fact been up to a lot in the last 30 days and thought to myself, what will the next 30 days bring?
